The Storm of Transformation
As I sit on my sofa in the lush, rain-kissed city of San Jose, Costa Rica, I am bathed in the quiet, yet turbulent, chaos of my own metamorphosis. Ghosts of past relationships whisper secrets about the woman I used to be. I am in yet another season of death and rebirth.
Or, in less melodramatic words, I am actively choosing to heal life-long patterns of programmed behavior, resulting in the end of several relationships kept afloat by people pleasing, over giving, and taking on more than my fair share of emotional and mental labor.
Through the death of an old way of being, I move towards embracing the unknown and new beginnings. Such are the endless teaching of the Scorpio Rising placement. Fun, isn’t it?
Rethinking Fear
In my pondering of my current process, I am reminded of another not-so-dissimilar season of life several years ago. I had recently ended a devastatingly toxic romantic relationship and was ready to greet the dawn of an unexplored adventure in Costa Rica.
I arrived in La Fortuna along with New Moon in Capricorn, an energy ripe with fresh beginnings, rejuvenation, and a major cosmic reset. It was my first time traveling solo to a foreign country, and I was going to live abroad for an undetermined length of time.
Predictably, the good ol’ fear gremlin began to rear its ugly head and lurk about in my mind, playing tricks with the same old narratives that kept me small, meek, and feeling ultimately —stuck.
As I cautiously navigated this new environment, I began to realize that my understanding of fear was incomplete. In order to grow, I would need to heal my relationship to fear.
Many popular new-age spiritual teachings paint fear as a spiritually-transmitted disease to be avoided at all costs. The problem with treating fear as a pariah to be abhorred is that it shows a lack of understanding of how the human brain functions. It forces the expression of our multi-faceted nature into a tiny, one-dimensional, positive-vibes-only box.
It is an insidious form of spiritual gaslighting that confines us into thinking that anything that doesn’t fit into this box make us less evolved in some way, as if we were low-vibing neanderthals that crapped all over Carl Jung’s teachings.
A more empowering approach is to realize that we are both the Divine and human. In order to fully honor and express the human part of ourselves, we must develop the skills to feel all the emotions on the spectrum without falling into the trap of attachment to any one state of being.
To do this requires a deep understanding of the self and what the relationship to our emotions is conveying about our current experience.
One way I like to shift the relationship to fear is by thinking of it as a well-intentioned, over-protective, moist-palmed friend with bad breath and no awareness of personal space. Its intention being to keep us safe.
Intention, unfortunately, has very little to do with impact.
The Biology of Fear
Fear is an emotion that once served our ancestors well during an era when predators, Mama Earth’s fluctuating moods, and other harmful circumstances were looming threats.
This emotion serves as a functional messenger to alert us of potential dangers. After the fear process starts in the amygdala, corresponding stress hormones are released and the sympathetic nervous system — the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response — becomes triggered, arming us with a better chance of survival.
While many of us do not face the same threats today, fear is still an important alert system and an ally to our intuition and discernment.
However, there are two things that make the role of fear more problematic — our relationship to fear and how we engage with it, and how easily the fear center of the brain can be hijacked.
Hijacking the Fear Response
In a world that is becoming inextricable from technology and media at an alarmingly rapid pace, we must become incredibly aware of how easily the amygdala, the center of the brain responsible for the fear response, can be manipulated. We see in the collective consciousness how the fear response becomes activated by the media, beliefs, each other, and our own lack of understanding about how this ancient biological system works.
I once worked with a client who was becoming progressively more distressed at the state of the world. She reported feeling almost constantly fearful and on edge, unable to focus at work or be present at home with her family. She had tremendous anxiety when leaving her house.
When I asked her what she thought was causing this unhealthy level of fear, she realized that she had several unhealthy habits surrounding media, including having the news channel nearly always turned on, whether anyone was watching it or not.
Upon further exploration, this client became aware that she was feeding her fear by allowing intrusive thoughts to spiral and consume her. She was jumping on the fear train instead of teaching it to change direction.
The first thing she did was to turn off the news when possible or leave the room when someone else was watching it. The human brain operates like a checking account – you can only withdraw what you put in. If she didn’t want her brain to produce fearful thoughts, she would be better served by limiting the amount of fear-inducing content she consumed.
The next step was to work on interrupting the fear train, first together during our sessions, and then independently during anxiety-inducing situations. She was able to do this by recognizing that she was on the fear train again, thanking the fear for attempting to keep her safe, and then redirecting her thoughts into something more empowering.
With consistency and practice, she was able to strengthen these new neural pathways in her brain and change her default reaction of spiraling in fear. It was liberating for her to experience and this new practice allowed her to be more at peace with the world and experience more joy in her personal life.
Breaking Free From Fear
In the case where there is no imminent danger, the intention of fear to keep us “safe” can sometimes be synonymous with remaining trapped within the confines of the comfort zone where growth is merely a wish on a shooting star. In this case, the detrimental impact on our growth outweighs the good intention to keep us “safe”.
In order to heal how we relate to fear, we must learn to discern when it is serving us versus when it is limiting us from reaching our highest potential.
Many of us aren’t aware that our conscious, thinking brain can provide feedback to our primal, emotional brain to soothe the fear response and help our bodies return to a state of regulation. We can identify what limiting beliefs are being triggered and deliberately shift our thoughts while being present with the physical sensations of fear in specific areas of the body.
And that is exactly how I was able to quell the windstorm of fear that was ripping through my body like a tornado on the prairie during my first night in Costa Rica.
Transformation in Action
As I arrived to my apartment in La Fortuna, hungry, tired, and thoroughly perplexed, I felt our favorite friend, the fear monster, beginning to awaken.
My thoughts began to swirl with worst-case scenarios while my ribcage used my heart as a stress toy.
In that moment, I had a litany of options before me.
I could choose to succumb to the fear and let it gnaw on my sanity like a half-eaten sloppy Joe. I could choose to run from it by numbing myself by scrolling or escaping into an alternate TV reality. I could choose to suppress it and stuff it down by binge-eating a glorious new array of Costa Rican snacks.
Or, I could choose the most challenging option. It may be the option that is the most uncomfortable in the short term, but it is ultimately the path that leads to transformation and liberation.
I could choose to welcome that odd little fear creature with open arms and a warm hug – not with the intention to invite it to go steady and give it a key to my apartment, but to fully experience it, I could recognize that the fear’s intention is to protect me from harm, albeit in a misguided way.
Once I allowed myself to sit with the suffocating discomfort of the panic I felt in my belly, taking deep breaths to quell the internal tremors, the sensation started to shift.
With each breath, I honored the fear, and held the scared inner child within me in loving kindness and compassion. I gave thanks to the fear for doing its best to serve me and made a powerful shift into gratitude for the wisdom this journey was sharing with me.
You see, the longer I sat with the fear and proved to my inner child that I was not going to abandon her, the more I felt the fear beginning to subside. This is the power of feeling seen, understood, and held in the vulnerable human experience.
Before long, the emotions naturally began to alchemize, making way for excitement, reverence for the sacredness of life, and the wonder of all that is to come.
Then, I made a conscious decision to shift the narrative for myself by understanding the messages my emotions were relaying to me about how I was relating to my current situation.
The fear shouted that I was afraid to fail and lose control. The anxiety whimpered that I didn’t feel capable to embark on this new adventure alone. The grief cried that I was a fool for thinking I could create a healthy relationship.
I acknowledged these emotions and thanked them for shining a light on old beliefs and survival mechanisms that kept me stuck. So, I actively released them by choosing to shift into more empowering thoughts and embody the energetic state of the woman I wanted to become.
I surrendered to the unknown and the pain of my past was transformed into gratitude for the endings and lessons.
I allowed myself to trust my own ability to navigate any unpredictable circumstances that may arise and release the desperate grasping onto the illusion of control. I chose to have compassion and acceptance for those who may not experience life in the same way I do. And I decided to make peace with it all.
Embracing the Unknown
All endings are gift-wrapped new beginnings.
When we start to peel back the layers of the cycles and seasons that are closing out in our lives, we find an abundance of gifts hidden in the tombs of old chapters.
By reevaluating our relationship with fear and emotions, we unlock new levels of growth and open ourselves to endless possibilities. What will you create when you embrace the mystery of the unknown?
Thoughts? Drop a comment down below about what you’re creating!
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About the Author:
Grace Huang is a certified coach and passionate writer who guides individuals toward deeper self-awareness and more fulfilling relationships with loving kindness and compassion.
Grace specializes in relationships, healing, and personal transformation, with expertise in inner child work, emotional intelligence, creating intimacy, and family dynamics. Rooted in values of authenticity, integrity, and vulnerability, Grace’s coaching approach gently challenges clients to shift their perspectives and break free from unhealthy patterns and limiting beliefs. Through practical guidance and actionable steps, Grace empowers clients to integrate new insights into their daily lives, fostering lasting change and wellbeing. Through her writing, Grace shares insights and stories that inspire growth, self-discovery, and meaningful connections.